What are your plans for the apocalypse? Just today the Dow plunged crazily, and we found out about even more Ponzi type schemes — this time from a financial firm in Texas. And all those missing billions in Iraq, money that was supposed to “rebuild” over there? Yeah, we’re just waking up to that — it’s gone, sorry! So, it’s time to plan, and I don’t mean stockpiling bottled water and guns because no matter how many video games you’ve played battling them, when the roving hordes of bad guys do come for you, you’re toast. Zombies, Republicans, pirates — you can’t run from those dudes when they bust down your door.

But all that’s probably a few months away, anyway. What to do when your money isn’t worth anything anymore, which is probably weeks away? I’ve been thinking about this a lot, partly because I just read this fairly awesome post-apocalyptic novel which envisions a collapse of the U.S. government after the banks all fail, and because I grew up on a steady diet of post-apocalyptic thrillers in the 1980s. And also because I’m horrible with money; the idea of it not being worth anything any more is weirdly thrilling (though of course nothing I actually wish for).

Here in Portland, many people I know have responded to the recession/ econopalypse by engaging in barter. Most of them have always traded this for that — fixing a bike in trade for a haircut, etc. What do you have that will be worth trade? I was all psyched to have an urban chicken coop until I visited a friend who has one and heard and smelled the chickens… Maybe my rare 12”s will be more valuable than gold? Or, I could fashion ashtrays and bowls out of them. Hmmm.

—DJ Yeti, who promises his next post here will be far less crazy + also uplifiting! (Umm, and also about MUSIC!!!)