Hey, A Place to Bury Strangers! You owe me money!

I blew out the speakers in my car last week. Although I’ve never had any top of the line equipment, at least it got the job done. Now every time I want to listen to music in my car I get to hear what at best sounds like radio static and at worst the sound of someone eating saltines into a microphone. I can no longer rely on some soothing tunes to make rush hour traffic bearable, so if you hear of some guy in Los Angeles snapping in the middle of an intersection chances are pretty good it’s me. Sorry.

Although I can’t afford to get it fixed, I think I know who’s responsible for the condition of my speakers. It’s probably old news to a lot of you by now, but I finally got around to picking up A Place to Bury Strangers’ two LPs. Of course I loved them, in all of their Jesus and Mary Chain fuzz-drenched glory, but I didn’t realize what I was doing to my poor speakers. Sure, I had heard that they were New York’s loudest band, and that they had destroyed an old vinyl press, but I figured my car was up to the task. Well, it wasn’t.

So, I would like an apology from the band. A pretty reasonable request. Also, I went downtown and for two hundred dollars in cash I can get a top of the line speaker system that may or may not be stolen. I don’t think that’s too much to ask for. So if anyone can get me in touch with the band I’d love to send them an invoice. I’m not out to make a name for myself, I’m just asking for justice.

-DJ Bears!