Now that the weather has begun to really cool down it looks like we’re at everyone’s favorite time of the year: the time when every single person in the entire world is sick. Despite my best efforts to eat my fruits and veggies, wash my hands regularly and not to touch anything in a public restroom, my finely tuned machine succumbed this past week. As I laid in bed coughing my guts up, I was left to terrify myself with thoughts of mutating strains of swine flu or bronchial pneumonia lurking in my lungs.

That’s why I thank God for Nico. Without my mother there to pity me and bring me chicken soup, only Nico’s icy voice soothed my throat. No song is better than “Janitor of Lunacy” at capturing the fatalistic fantasy of succumbing to some unknown illness while your loved ones sob over your death before making a miraculous “Tom Sawyer”-esque (The book. Not the song.) return to life.

Drugs have never done much to heighten my musical experiences, but listening to Nico while on cold medicine really let me touch the notes. By the time I was feeling better I thought I was a Chelsea Girl.

So next time you start getting the sniffles, don’t bother calling a doctor. Just grab some Kleenex, chicken noodle soup and reach for your Nico albums and you’ll be back on your feet in no time. I mean, it’s not like you have health insurance anyways.

-DJ Bears!