Pick of the Week: Robot - The Futureheads

Sometimes I feel like I’m a robot. I wake up, go to work, come home, make macaroni and cheese, and repeat. And just as robots use motor oil and Tesla coils to recharge their energy cells, I use Saturdays and root beer.

That’s why I love “Robot” by The Futureheads. With jagged, punchy guitars I get to stomp around the apartment shouting “I have no mind” in my best “Danger Will Robinson, Danger” robot voice. My neighbors would hate my little act, if it weren’t for The Futureheads being so damn irresistible. And just wait. Once the robots gain sentient thought and take over the world, “Robot” will be their marching song; blaring out of the speakers set into their chests. No one will be too upset though, because we’ll all be too busy dancing.

Pick of the Week: These Old Shoes - Deer Tick

My twenty minute commute took over an hour the other night. It was one of those nights when all I needed was to be back at home. I was starving, tired, stressed and I knew if I could just get to my apartment, there would be frozen pizza and pajamas waiting for me, begging to embrace me in their loving arms. But no, I was ass deep in traffic and every side street and shortcut I thought to use was just as blocked up. My Ipod, despite holding every album I’ve ever owned, seemed full of absolute garbage. And then my check engine light came on even though I had just taken the stupid thing in to the shop a week before. I lost it. I became one of those drivers who pounds the steering wheel and makes exaggerated hand motions at parked cars. I thought a heart attack was possible, and an aneurysm likely. But luckily God, or Fate, or Luck stepped in and “These Old Shoes” came on.

I paused and took a few deep breaths. I was calmed by the down home stylings of the Rhode Island based Deer Tick. In the song, the protagonist is desperately trying to get home to some mysterious lover. He takes a plane, and it crashes. He hops on a train and is kicked off. He buys a car and it breaks down. Eventually all he’s left with is his old shoes and that’s not stopping him. And here I was complaining about a little LA traffic? What right did I have to get upset? If I could just sit this out and not kill myself, I’d make it in time for the 7:30 rerun of Seinfeld. For the next two minutes and twenty four seconds, I was blissed out. Like how I imagine parents are when they go see Jimmy Buffet.

And when those two minutes were up and I was still stuck behind the same traffic light that I had been for seemingly forever, I didn’t blow my top or make a scene. I just swallowed all those feelings and let them simmer inside of me, waiting for the next night when no song, no matter how good, could bring me back from the brink.

-DJ Bears!

Mea Culpa

There are times when I’m a really bad music fan and I want to apologize for that. Sometimes I’m lazy and don’t want to give difficult, less catchy releases time to win me over. Sometimes when a band I like goes in a new direction, I don’t want to go with them. And then there are those “friends” (who are actually jerks) that recommend albums that I don’t listen to out of spite.

That’s what happened with Girls debut album “Album.” For months I refused to listen to them in an attempt to prove some self righteous point. Soon I had to start coming up with elaborate lies to cover for my stance. “Oh, yeah, I’ve heard a couple songs,” I’d tell people straight faced. “And it just didn’t do anything for me.” Or when that wasn’t enough I’d say “Naming your album ‘Album’? Seems like they’re just trying too hard.” Looking back, it’s embarrassing. I missed out on months of good music before I hit rock bottom. Thank god I did, because “Album” is gorgeous.

And now it’s a new year, a new decade. It’s time to put the mistakes of the past behind us and work on self-improvement. So from now on, when those friends of mine who I kind of hate give me an album recommendation, I’ll give it a chance. But if they’re wrong? I will rain a world of passive aggressive pain and torment down upon them.

-DJ Bears!

Wait. The Rakes Broke Up?: A Monologue

Hold on a second, just—just wait a minute. You’re telling me that the Rakes broke up? Over a month ago? And just when were you planning on letting me know?

You thought I knew? Yeah, right. You just didn’t want to be the one to break it to me. You let me walk around like an idiot thinking the Rakes were still together. How could you do this to me?

Yeah, I hope you’re sorry. Do you know how often I listened to Capture/Release on my walk to class? A lot, okay? I listened to it a lot. I used to laugh at “22 Grand Job“  and now? You know, I don’t even earn twenty-two grand. They can’t break up before I earn twenty two grand.

It was their time? It was their time? Bullshit. They had plenty of music left in them. Tons of songs!

Just give me a minute, alright? I need to collect my thoughts. Wow…just wow. It doesn’t matter that I hadn’t listened to them recently! There’s plenty of bands that I take breaks from. Doesn’t mean I can’t still have feelings for them.

I know I’m overreacting. And I’m sorry I yelled at you. It’s just, well, Drew Bledsoe retired a few years ago, Ken Griffey Jr has maybe one year left in him, Morrissey collapsed on stage last month and now this.  Can’t anything stay awesome forever?

-DJ Bears!

Pick of the Week: Christmas Time (Don’t Let the Bells End) - The Darkness

When I think of Christmas, I think of three things: family, presents and mind-melting guitar solos. Despite what your totally square grandparents think, Bing Crosby never had a mind-melting guitar solo on any of his Christmas albums. Luckily though, the Darkness left us this one golden Christmas nugget in their short existence. Say what you will, but until I get that Whitesnake Christmas album that I’ve been begging for, this is the Christmas song I’ll be listening to on repeat. Oh, and that Josh Groban one because he has the voice of an angel.

-DJ Bears!

PICK OF THE WEEK: Bumble Bee - Heavy Trash

You probably don’t know this about me, but I love bumble bees. There is something that I find so wonderful about this animal that even though it has a stinger, it’s funny enough to be named “bumble.” While people are terrified of other members of the bee family like the yellow jacket, everyone loves a bumble bee! They’re the English bulldog of the insect kingdom with their soft, round body, but if you piss it off it will still sting the shit out of you.

And that’s why I love the song “Bumble Bee” by Heavy Trash. Heavy Trash plays that old school rock and roll that I love, but have enough sense of humor to write a song like “Bumble Bee.” It’s a heartbroken love song, but instead of claiming his ex has a “heart of ice” or some other such dreck, he compares her to a “a bumble bee, an evil bumble bee.” It’s a rock song, but it’s a rock song that doesn’t take itself too seriously. If bumble bees could play instruments, they would probably write a song like this.

-DJ Bears!

Win a hot axe for to shred with courtesy of the Bravery!!!

Do you want to rock as hard as the Bravery? Even if you think you can’t— it’s good to want things! But maybe if you could win a really cool guitar that’s been played by Sam Endicott from the Bravery, it would be like that movie where Lil Bow Wow finds Michael Jordan’s shoes and with them he becomes an amazing basketball player and then at the end he learns he doesn’t even really need the shoes at all. Learn the “Rock Out” dance to be entered to win an Epiphone SG Special played by Sam Endicott of the Bravery! That’s seriously a nice guitar (dude, Jerry Garcia used to play the Gibson SG).

To celebrate LADY GAGA’S forthcoming confessional album FAME MONSTER, SuperDance asks: When have you been your most tragically fabulous?

Share your best/worst moments of drama and exhibition by posting on our Facebook wall — right here! Best entries will be selected to win a copy of FAME MONSTER as well as live on forever in our SuperDance Hall of Infamy. (Accompanying pictures or video are strongly encouraged.)